Winner’s Never Quit and Quitters Never Win

How many times have we heard this saying, when we were growing up?  I want you to think back to each and every time someone has had the audacity to articulate these so-called words of “encouragement” to you.  I would postulate that about 90% of the time it was when they were attempting to motivate you to do something that you did not want to do or something that you didn’t have the energy to complete.  I would like to speculate that quitting is not a bad thing, at least not always. I think that there are too many times in life when we prolong unnecessary suffering because we feel that at the end of these horrible journeys, we will receive some type of award. The truth is we won’t.

                I would also suggest that quitting things that we start is a huge part of our American society. It is what makes us who we are. A Nation of Quitters!!!

For example:

We quit on our children…

Percentage of children up for adoption in 2010

State	Alaska Native/ American Indian	Asian	Black	Hawaiian/ Other Pacific Islander	Hispanic (of any race)	White	Unknown/ Unable to Determine	Two or more races	Total N
Alabama	.0%	.0%	29.7%	.0%	9.4%	53.0%	.2%	7.8%	606

                                                                                                                                (http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb)

We quit on education…

Nearly 6.2 million students in the United States between the ages of 16 and 24 in 2007 dropped out of high school (http://articles.cnn.com/2009-05-05/us/dropout.rate.study_1_dropouts-enrollment-graduations?_s=PM:US)

We quit on religion…

Olson's findings contain a ton of bad news. For starters, his research found that the percentage of Americans regularly attending church is only 18.7%. (http://themoralcollapseofamerica.blogspot.com/2008/10/church-attendance-in-america-is.html)

And yes, we quit on our spouses…                                                                                                                                                         

According to enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America:
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73% (http://www.divorcerate.org)

            As you can clearly see, quitting is a cultural norm and even though you may quit in one aspect of your life, in another you may become a winner...So let’s all raise our hands for the people who are not afraid to say “I QUIT”

Child Support laws have nothing to do with Supporting the Child

This is a topic that continues to come up. Child support is one of those laws that, on the surface appears to be a good morally based law. It appears to be something that will help support or prevent children from being neglected. This is not the truth. Child support laws do more harm to the child and the parent that is honestly attempting to support his child than it does to help.  I was going to do a show about child support years ago and never got around to it however after getting so many calls from so many friends of mine, who are suffering from the unfair child support orders they are under, I had to schedule a show.

                I am not suggesting nor am I petitioning for men or women, who hold this orders, to avoid their responsibilities however what‘s fair is fair and this just isn’t. I recently talked to a family member today who was asking about how he could modify his order. He has gotten married recently and has a child by another woman and because his child support is so high he is unable to support both children adequately. I told him that the order can be modified and it would be in his best interest to have it done. I also told him that this is the only way that he would be able to finically support both children.  

                I went on to tell him a story of a woman who knew that the judge had over charged her ex-spouse for child support however she said nothing because she knew that she would benefit from the mistake. In fact, she actually went to court and attempted to have her ex pay back support for one month of delinquency. Tell me where does that child benefit in this scenario? The child doesn’t because now the father, who currently lives in another state, is financially unable to visit the child as often as he would if he wasn’t being overcharged in this order.

                What orders like this create is a fatherless child, in most cases, which leads to higher crime rates and overcrowded jails and prisons. It is orders like this that continue to make minorities a permanent underclass while it turns the custodial parent into pimps. I child’s wellbeing is more than just money. The government understands that a lot of these parents come from poor communities and from a cycle of single parentlessness and if they dingle the chance of them getting money in their hands they will jump at the chance.  

                This blog is not for the male of female that is not paying support and have no desire to pay, rather if is for those that are trying to do the right things and have every intention of being a part of their children’s lives. The law continues to punish them and the child support recipients are active in this abuse.  This is why “The Exalted Nation of Truth,” has decided to ask for child support reform. Yes, it is time for all of those parents that have been and continue to be abused by this law stand up and be heard. It is time to look at these single parents, who fail at raising their children, because they chose money over a decent future for their children, and say to them “It is your fault, that your child has no respect for their absent parent. It is time for us all to write our lawmakers seeking a change in the law, before another helpless child is abused.

Why I chose Empty Roles? What does it mean?

          
I have recently gotten a couple of emails from readers wanting me to explain what the term “Empty Roles” mean and why I chose this name for my blog. The term empty role is an expression that I coined to describe the void that is left in your life when someone has left. In the field of sociology it is understood that everyone fills a role. The role and the person are two separate entities.  The role you fill in life is just a role, nothing more, it is not who you are, nor is it a description of your contributions to society.  Let me explain further.

You were born a human, that’s it, not a doctor, nurse, lawyer or Christian; these are roles that you picked up along the way. Think about it, when you were a child, were you a mother? No, you were just a child however when you got to the point in your life where you decided to bring a child into this world, you became a mother. I became a father when my son was born, prior to that I was just a human.  I was a socialized human because I behaved within the boundaries of what society had determined was reasonable but I was just a human.

The roles that we take on have specific characteristics, for example if you are a husband you will be expected to come home at night and to provide for your family. This role was established long before you were born. This role will exist whether or not you are there to fill it. If you have a child, and you are not present; that role will be empty. It is that simple.  This is why we should never limit ourselves to the roles we hold in life because they are only temporary.

When The Going Gets Tough.. The Tough Sometimes Just Get Mean!!!

During the dating process many of us have taken pride in saying "I would never to that," however when faced with the position of separation or divorce our attitudes are quickly changed. In some cases, it is the very thing that we have condemned others for doing in the past; that we find ourselves doing. I have heard many people say "that hell has no fiery like a woman scorn." I beg the difference, I don't think that a situation, no matter how ugly it may get, has the power to turn a good person into a bad one. I feel that the properties of meanness have to be present already.
Looking at the bible we can see an example that supports my position;

 The bible (starting in the book of Exodus chapter 5) documents the story of Moses being sent to Pharaoh with a demand from the Lord, to let God's people go. The Pharaoh refused to comply, however the bible states that God hardened his heart before Moses approached him. Yes, God hardened Pharaoh's heart so that he could bring horrible plagues upon innocent people... WRONG!!
The bible does state that GOD hardened Pharaoh's heart however it does not say anywhere that God made him disobey. I believe that in order for God to be able to harden the heart of the ruler. This leader's character (heart) must have already had the properties present to be harden. Simply said, if your ex-spouse of ex-wife or husband states that the divorce made them evil, they are lying to you. The evilness was already there. The divorce was just the catalyst that allowed what was already there to surface.

Let's hear your story!!! In what why did that lovable person you were so in love with change after it was over? (Comment below)